i'm plain confused, lost, and very afraid of the future. afraid of what's ahead of me.

what if wil goes overseas to study?
questions flooded my mind.
will he lose affection for me?
we will drift apart?
the loneliness will be so hard to bear.

it's not just for 2 years.
for the complete studies? to get his diploma n degree it'll take up to 5 gruelling years! 5 years!
i can't jus wait in SG for 5 years. i can't and i don't want.

how? what could i do?

study overseas with him?
nope.
finacially unable to do so.

mum told me to let him take the opportunity to level himself up.
true. it's a gd chance.
but i'll be old by then.
i dun like late marriages.
argh
i want to go to a uni. i wan to level up myself.
i dun hav the money
my plans hav to be put on hold.
mum told me to slow dwn.
for him to catch up
there's no way my dad will accept him.
at least not w/o qualifications.

what can i do?

his friend gav a suggestion.
work overseas.
go to where he is at.
i would love to.
but i've never been out of SG.
getting work permit
working in a place i don't call my home
leaving my friends
and my family
my dad
my mum
behind
for.... 5 years? mebbe less mebbe more....?
there are options.
but too tough an option to choose from.

my mind is in a whirl.
i'm v confused and sad and all sorts of things.
i feel sucky inside.
i'm just a simple girl who hate big decisions.
i hate it when my familar environment feels threathened.

i don't know what to choose from.
i want to be with him..
somebody help.... argh.....
my mum once told me.. last nite i guess..
if i were to tag along with wil to aust
perhaps to study
my dad will cry like mad literally...
i've never left his side.
i know he love me alot. that's wad makes it so hard.